If my perspective isn't welcome, why should I stay?
If it's your way or the highway, why bother to say-
That you don't care that you tore out my heart
You couldn't care less that you broke me apart.
Your systems are worthless
Your religion mundane
I can't love your jesus
I've searched for a sign
To show me he's good-
But your gods are vile
You spit and you spew out
the nastiest of bile
Towards people I've known as personal friends
Towards Muslims and gays and the misfits - to what ends?
You hate and reject,
You pushed me outside
You mock and you discard,
And I'm the one unkind?
You are nothing like Jesus
You hate ones our God so loved
You add to the pain
Of weak and the weary, the homeless, the cold.
Still I've found your pews are the hardest of all.
They just are not worth it,
So I'll sleep in a stall
The floor is my cushion, my ceiling the sky
My greeters some outcasts- they'll be mocked for their zeal
Yet all that I wanted was to come down and heal.
Your hearts are so damn hard-
You listen to lies-
You're more outraged I said "damn" than that you call evil right.
Yeah-the metaphor's not refined
(no more is the rhyme)-
I may not be Jesus; I am exiled like He was-
A missionary kid, a foreigner, an outcast for love.
My God never changed, but you shut me out-
You cared more for winning; you wallowed in doubt
That our God is holy and you reap what you sow
You shut out the lowly,
And just so you know:
The very ministry you said you support
You've undermined and ridiculed
With your unrepentant vote.
You've told your children, your grandchildren too
That all that matters is fearing and abusing those unlike you.
I held out my hands to you- I know the ones you fear-
They are my friends-they're ordinary- some had less chances here-
To hear of a Savior-to trust in a Friend
Than you had on a Sunday, in a day in a month, in a life...
Yet somehow they are lovely, rejecting of strife...
But
You shut down your heart to me-and absolutely towards them
You wouldn't shed a single tear.
You've squandered abundant blessings- you've mocked what you don't understand.
So now like Wisdom I mock - I revile and despise:
See- your faith is worthless; these divisions deserved-
You watched while they told me,
To go back to my home - my parents' "mission field"
You jeered in silence as I endured abuse
There's no place for me here
Because I refuse to give in to your fear
I warned you, you countered, "But Hillary," "just politics," and despised,
And so I reject you,
Fools in your lies.
This year, I hope for better, with deep friendships forged
From seeing some real love,
and what can be abhorred.
It's sad that this evangelicalism can never be home
But you see-
I see now- you
In Budapest, 2006
never really wanted me
You prefer your comfort
I rock the boat too much
Prophets unwelcome
You slander and smear
As gossips, narcissists, and the angry
And so
In all that winning- because of fear-
You've lost generations
To your fake smiles and lies.
You have no idea what is greatness
You are foul-smelling and corrupt
And to be honest
It's no longer with sadness, but with joy set before
That I'm forgetting what's behind me
In pursuit of the Prize.
Melody Kay Young (December 2017)
Images not otherwise captioned indicating they are my own were all found online, precise sourcing unknown.
Greetings and love from San Antonio- just logging in to share my playlist on YouTube about the state of the 81% American Evangelical church. With all the scandals and betrayals lately, I'm not sure we even worship the same God. There are attitudes among evangelical Christians that divide families and destroy any hope of unity in shared humanity in local communities. This division is not of the God of love. I don't believe we can get anywhere in addressing church abuse, if we refuse to address the poor theology of conservative Christian subcultures. They act like a dysfunctional family and refuse to talk about it.
I am starting to write again on the side of regular activities, as I seem to have a lot to say on Twitter and Facebook, and putting it all in one place makes far more sense. Playing around with some titles and ideas, and no idea how long it'll take. Going back to work in August, and hope to continue my masters next summer, so we will see. But got a few lines down today, and some things pent up are coming together. We will see where it all leads. Very grateful for our freedoms and the privilege of blogging and self-publishing.
Here's what I said on my personal Facebook about things today:
Going to write that book. The root of the
problem in American evangelicalism is minimization of serious abuses,
and compromise with evil, for power and control.
This is why, in my opinion, some people with good intentions against
abuse are not going to stop it. Trump is a spiritual symptom. If
you missed my first book, check it out on Amazon: Fragments and Faith:
An Adult Third Culture Kid Experience in Evangelicalism.#ATCK#amwriting#evangelicalbetrayal#prayforUS
God bless and keep us all with hope for the future.
For the choir director: A psalm of David, to be accompanied by an eight-stringed instrument.[a]
1 Help, O Lord, for the godly are fast disappearing! The faithful have vanished from the earth! 2 Neighbors lie to each other, speaking with flattering lips and deceitful hearts. 3 May the Lord cut off their flattering lips and silence their boastful tongues. 4 They say, “We will lie to our hearts’ content. Our lips are our own—who can stop us?”
5 The Lord replies, “I have seen violence done to the helpless, and I have heard the groans of the poor. Now I will rise up to rescue them, as they have longed for me to do.” 6 The Lord’s promises are pure, like silver refined in a furnace, purified seven times over. 7 Therefore, Lord, we know you will protect the oppressed, preserving them forever from this lying generation, 8 even though the wicked strut about, and evil is praised throughout the land.
"When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were
unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that
these men had been with Jesus." Acts 4:13
We are all ordinary people. That is the realization that comes with interacting with so many people online. The freedom to speak out against abuses of power is a wonderful thing, which must be protected and used well. The internet has become a democratizing factor in our conversations, for better or for worse, and God has used it for much good in revealing the hearts of people who were otherwise trusted and revered. God has also elevated the humble and given them a platform to speak to serious sin being covered up in Christendom. This is a good thing. This is an opportunity for the people of God to be like Jesus in how they live and speak truth in love.
Unfortunately, there is always a fine line between using a neutral thing for good and abusing it for evil. It seems that many Christians in the United States have crossed the line from speaking truth in love to abusing reputations of fellow human beings out of hateful stereotype. And it doesn't matter how many Bible verses others of us quote, how much context we know, or how much truth we speak: people will believe what they want to believe, even to the detriment of their fellow human beings, who are equally created in the image of a good God.
I write this post following a period of reflection on how to say some things I believe need to be said. Certain things have come to a head in watchblogger circles that need to be addressed, which is difficult to do well, because I have found that there is a faction of evangelicals, particularly of the Gospel Coalition variety, who think that no one but some sort of elite should be writing online. Let me be clear, many of the same watchbloggers I am concerned about have done much good in exposing evil so it can be rebuked and vulnerable people can be healed or protected. God has worked for good using Christian bloggers. God has also worked for good through the more professional Christian organizations. But whenever power and control become prioritized over loving and serving, the church has lost its way, whoever is doing the leading. (So perhaps what I am going to discuss here is a failure of leadership, but I'll leave that for the academics to debate.)
Simply, the American evangelical church is in crisis. That is not scaremongering; you have to have your head in the sand to ignore the symptoms. We are divided into factions, politically maneuvering for prominence, with a lot of pain separating us. We have a lot of headless chickens running around and hurting one another, and not a whole lot of love. This is not limited to the SBC.
Our words matter, and our use of them to build up or destroy does reveal what we worship. Some things may need to be destroyed, but something good needs to be put in its place for the future. God doesn't do things destructively, and neither can Christians. In all of this, I do not believe the American evangelical community can currently be known for its love. It is known rather by its attacks on those outside who do not conform to its systems, and for its infighting generationally, denominationally, and culturally, and in my experience and observation some watchblogging has become complicit in the problem instead of part of its solution.
The American evangelical church is showing its heart online by how it shuts down dissent and bullies its own to fall in line. It is sick. It needs humility. It cannot hold its secular government to any kind of account because it is a swampland itself. It has lost all credibility and spiritual authority in its current state.
I come to this discussion as a Christian whose God has not changed, though I have been betrayed by fellow Christians. I come as a quasi-foreigner to the American culture, despite having been born stateside and having lived here many years of my life. I was a missionary kid the majority of my life, and I identify most with fellow Adult Third Culture Kids like me. I understand the intersection of culture and the differences in how religion and politics interplay in the context of two or more countries with which I've been "affiliated". Probably most of us these days have some sort of cross-cultural knowledge, but it's still not the same as living it. These days there isn't really any excuse not to check out what other countries are saying about this or that. English is an international language and there are news' sources from overseas we can check out. There also isn't any excuse for not thinking critically for oneself and seeking to find the truth rather than accepting what we are told as objective. Everyone has their angle. It bothers me, therefore, that many Americans, and especially evangelicals are unaware of the very influences that are upon them.
To the Christian, truth matters, and truth is deeper than facts. Truth, for the Christian particularly, extends to heart motives, and requires seeking to be found.
The fact is, I have experienced the breakdown of many relationships over the past year, because the truth is, the American evangelical church has elevated narcissism as leadership. (Again, perhaps a leadership fail, but I am uninterested in that and more concerned with how we as individuals respond to it.) Whether The Gospel Coalition or the watchbloggers, the infighting has divided and conquered us. The truth seems to me to be that power and control matter more to most American Christians instead of humility and service. The narcissism that has infiltrated has given birth to the worst betrayal of fellow brothers and sisters and those outside for whom Christ died.
Christians have now been effectively divided by the worst kind of reviler, and those who support him despite his pattern of public abuses are even proud of doing so, and censure those who won't. The very watchbloggers who cared about exposing evil are silent in the face of ongoing public abuse of journalists, attacks on alleged abuse victims, and humiliating by proxy of free thinkers who dare to speak truth to power or simply ask questions. They don't seem to realize these abusive attacks ultimately endanger their own freedom of speech or ability to combat abuse.
Lately, it is the atheists, who are the ones who see clearly and truly tell it as it is. The Christians in other countries who see this may rightfully wonder why we send them missionaries, when the American church acts like spoilt brats complaining of danger while rejecting those fleeing war. If it is for freedom and love that Christ has set us free, why are American evangelicals some of the most miserly and cruel? How is it that they are so easily turned against their neighbor?
The seeds that led to this evangelical betrayal were sown in the willingness to cover up sexual abuses of the most vulnerable and precious people so the show could go on, and in the superior attitudes that lead to world missions that spread Americanity and lack humility. (Again, remember I have personal experience of this subculture, and I have not lost my faith because God is both good and love.) The callousness that it takes to condemn the innocent has manifested itself in a culturally acceptable callousness that hates and rejects innocent victims of war for the religion they were born into overseas. Those 10,000 plus refugee kids that are missing in Europe apparently don't matter to watchbloggers equal to American children, or to the "prolife," equal to unborn American babies. And the same folk who reject all Muslims, send out missionaries and thank servicemembers and their spouses, as if they really care about our emotional or physical safety.
Vomitous.
I frame this as a betrayal because that is the best description of how this has gone down for those of us Christians, from whatever perspective, who stood against this insidious bullyculture. From my perspective, it underlined for me the abject superficiality of many American Christians. Many of them reading this won't be able to get past the fact I frame it this personally- that I see fit to judge them on their character according to their actions and attitudes. Their feelings being hurt is more of an issue to them than getting to and speaking the truth responsibly when human lives are at stake. Bear with me also, because in the government of the culture I grew up in, people yell at and mock each other then go out and get drinks together having had a splendid debate, and having made progress as a nation, despite differences. One of the wider problems of American culture is the inability to debate respectfully and say tough things to each other and yet stay in the debate without insulting each other and being cruel or petty. The evangelical church here is notoriously thin-skinned, and I say this as a sensitive person myself.
Again, if you have hung on this long to hear what I am saying, well done; I respect this isn't easy for many Americans, let alone evangelicals, to hear. But it must be said firmly: this support of an authoritarian, borderline if not supremacist, and bullying regime as government is a huge betrayal of the American values I grew up loving and respecting personally, and the Christian values I hold most dear. And it is a personal rejection of anyone like me who grew up overseas. (I was told to go back to the UK for my concern for refugees back in 2015. Most Christians were silent or said the same kinds of things to me.) To support such cruel folly and call oneself a Christian while rejecting the opportunity to respect the experiences and hear the nuances of a wider worldview from a returning missionary kid: well, if that isn't a betrayal, I don't know what is.
American Christians, you have issues.
Do you not see the in-congruence of railing against Saeed Abendini's domestic abuse while supporting the Americanity of Franklin Graham? Do you not understand the craziness of claiming to care about religious freedom while praising Russia? Do you seriously not understand the brazen hypocrisy of claiming to care about abuse victims (or even being a survivor oneself) and still voting for a self avowed "p*ssy-grabber"?
Imagine what you are putting missionaries through- who love their Muslim neighbors. Imagine how it is for their kids wanting a college education "back home" when a prominent evangelical college president lets slip the idea of "taking out those Muslims," as if all such religious folk are extremist murderers!
I couldn't even post a photo of the Obamas either as a milspouse or as an American citizen to advertise the time of his farewell speech without a nasty ad hominem comment about him on my Facebook from a former watchblogger friend who chose to delete me because I said (in summary) not cool. I had to detach indefinitely from a Christian family member for the same unrepentant uncalled-for response to a photo wishing a former president well. How is any of that behavior Christlike? Do Christians actually want division and broken relationships? Do they seriously believe they have the right to be rude and controlling? "You were bought with a price"..."Love is not rude." And I am a moderate conservative and was no fan of Obama's politically. But I can't say I respect the man on any level without being accused of being a globalist or liberal by so many professing Christians. (As if either is a slur! And as if I "need" permission.)
And all this abuse came from professing Christians. I could have told you in 2015 that if this person were to become president, our nation would be a bullyculture and that the most vulnerable people worldwide would be harmed by that; that people would die as a result of it. And so it now is. And yes, there have been deaths already. And the worst part? Because I have a perspective from a foreign country, I am repeatedly rejected by the very kinds of Christians who were the supporters of my family of origin while I grew up overseas, and who I thought cared about truth, as all Christians should. The other day I was deleted as a friend by a Christian friend of 4 or so years for stating calmly that someone (objectively speaking) lied. That's all it took. And yet somehow, people like me are expected by evangelicals to be careful not to hurt the feelings of those who have personally betrayed us down to the core of our Christian identity and person-hood.
I cannot walk on egg-shells again- I am free and I will not go back. Beloved, it is pure cowardice to be willfully silent in the face of any kind of
abuse, and there is no Christian integrity in speaking only those
truths that do not offend one’s friends.Reality is that a majority of evangelicals support a public abuser to the detriment of their testimony to the humble and holy character of Christ, and they will reap what they sow, if they refuse to acknowledge the pain they have caused so many people, not just me.And to expect any of us to stay silent about abusive attitudes or behaviors to safeguard "Christian" power and control in society or protect guilty consciences and sensitivities is, in fact, an abusive expectation. Such professing Christians with such entitled expectations, whatever good they claim to do, have caused much hurt and done much harm, both to their brothers and sisters in Christ worldwide, and to many who do not yet know our Lord.
Why aren't all Christians calling out unrepentant abuse?
UPDATE: March 21, 2017
The following (names redacted/comment edited for clarity here) was sent as a comment (I am unaware whether it was published or not) to a prominent watchblog, with a link to this post. I have also emailed this link to several evangelical Christians with platforms, for their information. The refusal to discuss "politics" has disturbed me among American evangelicals, because that seems to me to be a cover for complicity with the bullyculture in which we now find ourselves.
It's not "just politics" for the Christian when lives* are potentially being endangered or harmed by policy. It is also exactly the same kind of dynamics we who have dealt with spiritual abuse have experienced in abusive systems. While we have the right to set boundaries in our own spaces and ways, the "Don't Talk" rule is abusive when freedom is being attacked or abused by bullies. We need to continue to talk truthfully about all church abuse issues instead of selectively skirting some in order to keep the peace.
Comment: I heard through comments elsewhere that another blogger was censured here for talking about politics. I find that strange, since anti-abuse advocacy in itself is political. My question to you is this: what is your motive for suppressing honest discussion of alleged abuse on any political side, especially when it is relevant as undeniably linked to evangelicalism?
This administration has put military families I know personally under intense stress, and they can't speak freely as civilians can. Neither can missionaries I know who are financially supported by folk
who voted a certain way. What happened to speaking up for those who can't speak for themselves?!
This silence and silencing is, objectively speaking, complicity with a bully- ie an abuser.
Instead of silencing the concerned who are trying to seek the truth honestly, perhaps you should try listening to how much your silence hurts those of us with personal experience and/or expertise in politics, culture, national security, foreign policy, and/or military life. I am aware there are
many who would disagree with my understanding who have expertise or experience in those also,
but if we cannot even discuss it when it is pertinent to the topic up for debate, you have effectively pushed those out with whom you apparently disagree.
As your sister in Christ, you must know, your selective silence and silencing is not consistent with integrity and truth. Truth, even spoken in love, can hurt, but it does set us free, and it does require
conversation and freedom. This needed to be said, whether you publish it or not. No response
